Family Matters

Dad started losing his hearing before anything else went. He refused to wear hearing aids because they amplified the noise. However, the side affect was not only difficulty understanding, but Dad also couldn't recognize people by their voice. This was complicated by my daughter and me sounding very much alike.

That wasn't too bad until the macular degeneration set in. Visual clues as to people's identities became difficult. Then the dementia set in. He still knows his wife's name and calls for her regularly. He remembers the names of his children, siblings, and parents, but not his grandchildren. Right now, I don’t think he recognizes any of us. I’m not sure how much is his blindness and how much is the dementia. I think that in his mind, we should look like we did 30 years ago. He can’t connect how we look now with the way he remembers his family looking. The few times recently that he has recognized Mama, he has remarked on his surprise at her white hair.

Last night, though was really strange. Dad decided that he was his older brother, Martin. My husband alternated between being my grandfather, William, and my dad. As Martin, Dad said that he worked for Dallas Title. (Dad did. His brother Martin was a farmer and a broom-maker) Dallas Title had forced him to move to New York when they opened a branch there. Dad (as Martin) still lived in New York with his sister and parents. That is when my husband became William.

Table Manners

Tonight for eat out night, not only were green beans and chicken fried steak finger foods, so was mashed potatoes. Have you ever tried to eat mashed potatoes with your fingers? Ah, steak house manners.

My Scary Husband

Tonight when it was time to put Dad to bed, my husband opened Dad's door from inside the room. Dad saw the light shining through the doorway and said,

"Where is that man? That man comes through the door. That is what he does."

My husband stepped through the door as he was putting on the latex gloves to change Dad's diaper. Dad saw my husband's hand raised slightly and said,

"That man has a gun! That is what he has!"

Then he realized his mistake

"He doesn't have a gun. That is true of him."

You Win Some, You Lose Some

Win:
I was right about leaving the dishes on the table until Dad gets up. I've done that now for 5 meals in a row, and no complaints about being hungry and not getting enough food at the meal. I guess he has to see the empty dishes to realize that he has eaten.

Lose:
Yesterday at 4:30, Dad started asking for milk. We are trying to cut down on the amount of milk he drinks because he is diabetic and over weight. We gave him some water instead. Dad complained loudly. He said that he didn't want the water. We told him that dinner was coming soon, and he could have milk then. He still complained.

He said that he didn't want the water and that he was going to pour it out. He said there wasn't anywhere in the family room to pour the water out, so he was going to pour it on the floor. When we heard that, we took the water away.

I guess we weren't fast enough. When we put him to bed last night, we found a puddle of water on the tile, and it had run across the floor along the grout.

Another Whine Topic

I'd completely forgotten about this whine topic (repression, I guess), but this afternoon Dad has been whining about his nose. We live in allergy central. Dad is on prescription antihistimines, and he is unable to figure out how to use nose sprays (or he can't coordinate the spray with inhaling). So, there isn't anything I can do for him.

"I can't breathe out of one side of my nose. That is what I cannot do."

"One side of my nose is stopped up. That is what it is."

"I need some nose spray. That is what I need." (Even though when we have given it to him in the past, it doesn't do any good because he can't use it correctly.)

Even worse, he digs in his nose with his finger. Sometimes he digs so much that he gives himself a nosebleed. Then he insists he needs to go to the emergency room.

Not a pleasant sight or topic of conversation at dinner.

Sex Education (according to Dad)

"People in America want to have children. That is what they do."

"They have sex if they want to have children. That is what they do."

"I had sex with my wife. That is what I did."

"We had several children. That is true of us."

"Most people want to have two children. That is what they want."

"If they want to have more children, say they have 2 boys and want to have a girl, they keep having sex so they can have a girl. That is true of them."

"If they want to keep having sex but don't want any more children, they use a thing called a rubber. That is what they do."

Whining, Part 3,479,416

Dad has been whining all day long about being hungry. I have fed him as much or more than he gets when the home health care aide feeds him. For breakfast, he had 2 eggs, sausage, a banana, a cup of coffee, and a glass of water. For lunch, he had a tuna fish salad sandwich, a bowl of walnuts, a sugar-free fudge bar, a glass of milk, and a glass of water. This was more than my very physically active husband ate for both meals. Dad fussed about still being hungry after each meal. I asked Mom, and she said that he does fuss when the aide feeds him.

I figured out what the problem is. I don't like a dirty table, and I can't stand used dishes sitting around. As Dad finishes with something (banana skin, plate, bowl, etc.) I remove it from the table. The table is clean when Dad gets up to go back to his chair. Since he can't SEE the food dishes he just used, he can't REMEMBER what he ate!

So, I have a choice--an unappetizing table or a whiny Dad.

That's Why They Call It Second Childhood

Dad has worn diapers for several years. He is eating more and more with his fingers instead of silverware. Meat, salad, and green beans are now finger food more often than not. He wears a bib. We joke that our 2 year old grandson has better table manners. However, we made a major discovery this morning.

When my son was small, if his fingers got food on them while he was eating, he wouldn't use a napkin. He would wipe his hands on the underside of the table. This left disgusting food smears under the table. This morning while cleaning up the table, we discovered that Dad is doing the SAME THING!

The Door

We are still locking Dad's door to keep him from going in to his room, undressing without help, and smearing poop all over the place.

Tonight, when my husband unlocked the door at 7:30 to put him to bed, Dad said, "The door is open. How the hell did that happen!"

Sadness

“I am sad. That is true of me.”

“I want to be happy. That is what I want to be.”

Dad said this over and over tonight. I was feeling really bad about it and finally went to ask him what was making him sad.

“I just got married the other day, and they won’t let me sleep with my wife. My door is locked and I can’t get to my bed to sleep with my wife.”

“I love my wife to distraction. That is what I do. I want to have sex with my wife. That is true of me.”

Couldn’t help him here…

Paper

Today Dad had a fascination with paper. First he talked about how paper was made.

“They make paper out of wood pulp. That is what they do.”

“I don’t know the process for how they make the paper. That is what I do not know.”

“When the paper comes out it is *LARGE* rolls. That is what it is.”
(Every time Dad said large, he shouted and just about scared me out of my skin. He repeated this about the large rolls over and over for nearly an hour.)

“That is how they make paper in America. That is what they do. It is also how they make paper in China and Russia. That is true of them.”

After more than an hour of this, shouting “LARGE” every few minutes, Dad changed to newspapers and newspaper delivery.

“The boys throw the paper. That is true of them.”

“They know how to throw the paper on the porch. That is what the boys do.”

“Sometimes they throw it on the roof. Then they have to get a ladder and get it down. That is what they do.”

“New houses in America do not have porches now. That is true of them. So the boys throw the paper *HARD* and hit the front door. That is what the boys do.”

“Everyone in America lives in their own house. That is what they do. Because there are so many houses, the yards are small. That is true of them. The small yards make it easier to look for your paper. That is what they do. You know where to look for your paper because your yard is so small. That is true of it.”

“The paper boy has grown up. That is true of him. The paper boy is now a man. That is what he is.”

(I’m not sure who he was referring to here. My brother threw the paper for a while as a teenager.)

Recognition

Dad is having a hard time recognizing people. I don't know if this is because of his increasing dementia or his progressive blindness due to macular degeneration and cataracts. Dad still knows the names of his wife and children, and he calls for Mama by name when he needs something. However, he no longer seems able to attach the names to the person standing in the room with him.

Last night, he was in a fantasy world about his family. I don't know if he believed what he was saying, or he was having wishful thinking.

"My son is retired. That is what he is." (My brother is 47 and no where close to retirement.)

"My son made lots of money. That is what he did. He could retire any time he wanted. That is what he could do." (My brother only wishes.)

"My son bought the lot next door. He built his house there. That is what he did." (My brother lives 3 hours away. He has not lived close to my parents since he graduated from medical school.)

"When we built our house, we bought a big lot. That is what we did. The lot was big enought for my daughter to have her own lot. That is what it was. My daughter built her house on our lot. That is what she did." (My parents have never bought a lot or built a house. Dad's parents did, at least once if not more. My husband and I have never had our own house built, but we did have a major building project to add on and remodel our existing house so Mama and Dad could move in.)

Clothes

In the middle of the afternoon, Dad went into his bedroom and took off all his clothes. I just happened to walk in just as he was taking off his diaper. I asked him what he was doing, and he said that he needed to get clothes on. I pointed out to him that he was fully dressed and took off perfectly good clothes. He couldn't explain what he was doing or why.

Bits and Pieces

"I am putting on my sleeping suit. That is what I am doing."

My husband said that he was putting on his pajamas.

"My pajamas are a sleeping suit. That is what they are."

Dad was very unhappy about being put to bed.

"Why are you are putting my foot in a trap?" (about the multipodus boot to help his pressure sore heal)

"I love my wife to distraction. That is what I do."

"I just got married yesterday. That is what I did."

"I want to sleep with my wife because I love her to distraction. That is true of me."

"I want to have sex with my wife. We just got married yesterday. That is what we did."

"Why are you forcing me to sleep in this bed? I just got married yesterday, and I want to sleep with my wife."

My Amazing Grandfather

My grandfather was born in 1883. At D-Day, he was 61 years old. Here is Dad’s dinner discussion about him:

“He stormed the beach at Normandy. That is what my father did.”

“He is a rather old man now. That is what he is.”

“He is a grandfather now. That is what my father is.”

“My father preaches to my kids about storming the beaches of Normandy.”

“He preaches about Normandy. That is true of him.”

“My father is a rather old man. I can’t get him to shut up. That is what I cannot do.”

“He preaches to my kids about storming the beaches of Normandy. That is what my father does.”

“I can’t get him to shut up. That is what I cannot do.”

“He never gets tired of preaching about storming the beaches of Normandy. He brings it up now and then.”

“My father did storm the beaches of Normandy. He was there. He never shuts up about storming the beaches of Normandy.”

“So he was there. That’s what my father was.”

“He was actually there. He stormed the beaches of Normandy. So he preaches to my kids and I can’t tell him to shut up about it.”