You Can't Win for Losing

Since we started locking Dad's bedroom door after dinner, he has been fussing, but at least he hasn't been going into his room, stripping, and spreading poop everywhere. However, Saturday night while we were out walking the dog, Dad sat in the family room and stripped down to his undershirt, diaper, and socks--all by 6:45.

So, last night we had a church business meeting that started at 7:30. Rather than make Dad sit whining until 9:00, my husband got Dad ready for bed at 7:00--about the time he had been fussing and undressing. When Dad was all ready for bed, he whined plantively, "Do I have to go to bed now?"

We let him sit up in his pajamas in the family room watching TV and went to the business meeting. When we got home at 8:45, he STILL didn't want to go to bed. It was nearly 9:30 before he wanted to go to bed.

I guess he wants to get READY for bed at 6:45 but not go to bed.

Floating Age

Background: Dad is 87. He retired at the age of 70. All of this was one steady stream of talk while rocking back and forth.

"I am 80 years old. That's what I am."

"Everyone in my family lived to be 80 years old. I am 80 years old, so I won't live much longer."
"I retired at 80, and I get a US government pension. That is what I do."

"I have lived a long time. That is what I have done. I am 75 years old. I retired at 70. That is what I did. Since my family all lived to 80, I won't live much longer."

"I am 70 years old, I just retired. That is what I did. Now I get a pension."

"I am 72 years old. I retired just a couple of years ago. I went in to them and told them I wanted to retire and to give me a pension, so that is what they did."

"I am 80 years old. That is what I am. I have lived a long time. That is what I have done. I won't live to be much older, that is what I will not do."

"I am 73 years old. I retired last year. That is what I did. Now I am retired and I don't have to go to work."

Cold Hands

"My hands are cold. That is true of them."

"I'm not guilty of any crime. My hands are cold."

"It's cold outside, so that's why my hands are cold."

"My hands are cold, but I'm not gulity of any crime."

"I've never committed any crime. That's true of me."

Logic?

Doors

Dad has an obsession about doors. He has been whining bitterly about being locked out of his room ever since we started preventing him from going to bed at 6:15 p.m.

Once he is IN bed, he has to have the door left open to get "fresh air." His room is well ventilated, and it gets much warmer when the door is shut. We can't move around in the kitchen without disturbing him. Since he goes to bed at 7:30, this would seriously limit us if we didn't ignore him and go on using the kitchen as we need. We leave the door slightly ajar and go on about our business. On especially cold nights, we try to close the door more because the sliding glass door just outside his bedroom causes the adjoining room to get cold.

Tonight Dad was unusually concerned about his door being left open.

"I need the door open. That is what I need."

"If the door is open, I can get fresh air. That is what I can get."

"I need lots of fresh air. That is what I need."

"If I don't get fresh air, I will die. That is what I will do."

"The door needs to be left open for fresh air. Three people have died in that room because they did not get fresh air. That is what they did."

(His room is part of the addition. He is the only person to ever sleep in it.)

Well, THAT Didn't Happen

There is an article in Tuesday's New York Times about weight loss being a common problem for people with Alzheimer's beginning in middle age before any symptoms of dementia appear.

Dad never had that problem. He is carrying 175 pounds on his very small-boned 5'8" frame with a 42" waist. This is an improvment from his greatest weight of over 200 pounds before we started restricting his diet. Unlike many elderly who quit eating, Dad is always ready to eat and often whines about not being fed. He will keep eating as long as there is food that he likes in front of him. (He won't eat anything that requires more than 2 or 3 chews per bite--too much work). There are also a few spicy dishes I occasionally prepare that he doesn't like. I bet he is an "over-taster" since he has always preferred bland foods.

Mama as Santa Claus?

"It's cold outside. It's very cold. That is what it is."

"It's dark outside. That is what it is."

"My wife said she would deliver all the presents tonight. That's what she will do."

"It will be hard work to deliver all the presents, but my wife said she would do it. That is what she will do."

Grrrrrr

Most things Dad does I can laugh at--eating with his fingers, wild stories about his grandfather dying of shame from cutting his beard, being the last of the Romanovs. I can even ignore it when he does "looky, looky" with a mouth full of food by not looking his direction during dinner. But there are a couple of things that really get under my skin: shuffling and whining. I guess they bother me so much because neither was tolerated when I was growing up.

Shuffling: I intellectually know that Dad has Parkinson's and that it has affected his ability to walk. However, I can't keep from cringing when he shuffles his feet as he walks. Some days are worse than others.

Whining: Dad's done a lot of that in the last 2 days. Yesterday he was whining about not getting enough to eat. This was within an hour after having a large hot lunch. He is at least 30 pounds over weight and has Type 2 diabetes. We can't let him stuff himself. He already has a hard enough time getting his bulk out of the chair without adding to it. Dad is never full. He will keep eating as long as there is food in front of him. Limiting the amount of food he is served is the only way to prevent him from literally eating himself to death.
His other whine topic is going to bed. He was whining tonight that the door to his room was locked.

"Please, please, please unlock the door." (at 6:40)

We tell him he can't go to bed that early (we let him go to bed at 7:30. Since he doesn't get up until 8:00, he spends over 12 hours a day in bed)

"What's wrong with going to bed at 6:30?"

--You'll be up in the middle of the night waking everyone else up.

No response.

Lost

Dad finished dinner and asked, "Where do I go from here?"

For years, even long before he moved in with us, even before Alzheimer's, Dad sat in his recliner in front of the TV, walked to the dinner table, and walked back to his recliner where he sat until bedtime. He can see his recliner and TV from his chair at the dinner table.

When we go out, Dad has to follow some one or he gets lost. He also gets confused coming in the back door. But tonight was the first time he was confused within sight of his recliner.

Oh, my.

China

"They don't have enough food in China. That's what they don't have."

"They feel hunger pains in China because they don't have enough food. That's what they do."

"They are having a depression in China. When there is a depression, people don't have enough money to buy food. Then they feel hunger pains. That's what they do."

"America sent food to China. That's what we did."

"So the people of China had food, and they didn't have any more hunger pains. That's what they did."

"But China ate up all the food we sent. That's what they did. Now they have hunger pains. That's what they have."

"There are a lot of people in China. That's what they have."

"The US can't grow enough food to feed all the people in the US and all the people in China. That's what they cannot do."

"China has a lot of people, so they cannot grow enough food for all the people. That's what they cannot do. So the people feel hunger pains. That's what they do."

"They have lots of people in China, and they all want more food.If they had fewer people in China, they would have enough food. That's what they would do."

"We use birth control in America. That's what we do. So we have enough food in America. That's what we have. No one feels hunger pains in America. That's what we do not do."

"They'll use birth control in China. That's what they will do. They'll use birth control so they won't be hungry. That's what they will do."

Locks

Dad was putting himself to bed at random hours, sometimes as early as 5:45. The problem with Dad undressing himself is that he gets pee and poop all over his room. In order to prevent it, one of us had to be glued to Dad's side. We couldn't even run a quick errand or walk the dog before putting Dad to bed. So, we bought a typical bathroom door lock to keep him from causing problems. We can go through the ajoining bathroom to lock and unlock it, but that's further than Dad would ever consider walking.

Dad greatly resents being locked out of his room.

"I'm locked out of my own bedroom. That's what I do not like."

"I'm left locked out of my own room, shivering in the rain." (He was inside, and it wasn't raining.)

"I'm going to get sick, shivering in the rain, locked out of my own room."

"I'm going to get old-monia, not pnuemonia."

"There is nothing new about the monia I'm going to get from being locked out of my room."

"I'm going to die of old-monia," he says making himself cough.

Children and Civics

"We had 2 children; tha's what we had."

"We are raising them the best we can because we love them. That's what we do."

"We are raising them to become righteous citizens of the United States. That's what we are doing because we love the United States."

"They will soon be old enough to vote; that's what they will be."

"We are teaching them the right way to vote. They will be righteous voters; that's what they will be."

"We cannot tell them which way to vote. That's what we cannot do."

"We will make righteous citizens of them. They are citizens of the United States; that's what they are."

"They will vote for a righteous cause; that's what they will do. So they will pick out a righteous cause; that's what they do."

"They will think before they vote; that's what they will do."

Bed

Well, Dad slept all night in bed for the first time in several years. He complained for over 2 hours, but he is physically to the point where he can't get up by himself. So, all he could do is complain.

"I don't know why I am in this bed. This is not a comfortable bed. The bed has lumps."

(The last bed he slept in had a matress that was nearly 30 years old and was a cheap matress in the first place.)

He didn't say anything about being in the bed this morning. We'll see what he says tonight. We are hoping that if we force him in to bed that he will forget that he ever slept in a chair.

He has already forgotten that he lived in a house back door to my house for 8 years. He remembers that he lived in Dallas. Sometimes he thinks he is still there and sometimes he doesn't know where he is. So, we think he'll forget about refusing to sleep in the bed.

Falling

Dad has been falling on occasion when he stands up. It's as if his knees just give way and he melts to the floor. Last night he must have tried to get up after we went to bed. Since he sleeps in a recliner (straight up without the foot rest), he crumpled to the floor next to the chair. We have a hospital bed for him, but he refuses to use it. He must have hit his head against the guard rail of the bed because he got an abrasion on his forehead. Fortunately, my daughter and her family were still up and in the kitchen. They heard him cursing, checked on him, and got my husband up. Dad was shaken but otherwise fine.

My husband said he's not going to give Dad a choice about sleeping in the bed any longer. He wants to be able to put the guard rails up so Dad can't try to get up. I wish him luck. It will be interesting tonight.